How to Lose a Kid
by ALovelyLacuna
Summary: How to Lose a Kid, courtesy of the Avengers! Tony sweeps Pepper off on an impromptu date, leaving the rest of the Avengers to babysit their child. Hilarity and searches ensue.


**A/N I'm on a writing roll today and it's all because of the rain and a certain reviewer called overactive-imagination94. This story was her idea and is dedicated to her, I hope she enjoys it!**

It was a surprise to everyone when the great _Tony Stark_ had actually got married. He hadn't exactly 'settled down', but he did have a child. A child the one and only Pepper Potts could control. Like father like son ad all that jazz.

So on this fateful day, Tony decided that whizzing Pepper off for a date in the Caribbean and leaving his son, Tony Stark Jr. Jr., with a certain Bruce Banner was a good idea. The man didn't have much good experience with kids. Or people in general.

"Um, just stay here for a second and turn on the tv, okay?" Bruce told the mini Tony. Of course he knew the boy, Tony had invited the Avengers to his parties, and he'd seen him on various occasions when with Tony, he was just afraid to be _alone_ with him. Or anyone really.

He dialed Steve. Captain America would know what to do, right?

"Pick up, please pick up." Bruce begged the phone.

"Hello?" Steve asked from the other line. It was actually a miracle he had picked up, the super soldier was having problems adjusting to all the new technology, especially cell phones.

"Hi, Steve." Bruce said relieved. "Look, Tony just pulled a Tony and whisked Pepper off for an impromptu date and left his kid with me. Alone. I don't know how to work with kids. Help."

Steve chuckled on the other line. "And you think I do? I'll come, but I'm calling in everybody, we need all the help we've got, this is Tony's kid."

"I hadn't thought about that. Yeah, bring them all." Bruce hung up, rushing to make sure the small child hand't broken anything.

He hadn't, but apparently he now had channels one through three thousand.

"What happened?" Bruce asked warily.

Tony Jr. Jr. looked up. "I just hooked up a few different cables to the tv."

"You _stole _cable while I was on the phone?" The already stressed Banner ran a hand through his hair.

The boy shrugged. "What?"

"Nevermind. Are you hungry?" He asked, treating the small child as if he was a bomb.

"A little. Do you have fruit snacks?" Tony Jr. Jr.'s big eyes looked up at him expectantly, a smile breaking into his features.

The man sighed, glad he wouldn't hulk out. "Those I have."

"You like fruit snacks?" He looked up at him curiously.

The scientist nodded. "They're fun. I know they aren't good for you, but they help me with inventing things."

"Me too." The kid nodded seriously. "Do you have the Avenger's kind? They made ones of you guys you know."

Banner chuckled. "It may seem vain, but yeah, I got them. It's kind of cool to eat yourself in fruit snack form."

"I hope I'll be in fruit snack form." The little boy shoved his hand in the freshly opened box, grabbing a handful of packets and plopping down on the table.

Bruce turned to the cabinet to put away the snacks, and when he turned back, the boy was gone.

"Bruce, we're here!" Steve exclaimed from the front door, banging on the surface.

"Coming!" Banner called, trying to slow his heart rate.

He opened the door to the whole of the Avengers sans Tony, along with a visiting Darcy and Jane.

"Thank god you're here! He just vanished!" Banner cried.

Jane put a comforting hand on his shoulder. "Calm down, he's got to be here somewhere."

"You don't know Tony's kid." Steve shook his head.

Darcy widened her eyes. "This is just like that one fanfiction I read…"

"What?" Thor questioned, cocking his head.

Natasha snapped them all back to the present. "We have a kid to find?"

"Move out!" Clint cried, only half joking.

The Avengers scrambled off in pursuit of the child, splitting into groups and pairs around the large apartment Bruce called home, paid for by his 'science bro', Tony.

Clint and Natasha took the assassin approach, taking off their shoes for better stealth and sneaking through the halls. Natasha pointed to the air vent above their heads, signaling for the archer to boost her up, which he did, following soon after, they began to creep through the heating system. The first closet they came upon was too dark to see, and she twisted so as to unclip a flashlight from her belt.

"No sign of him." The assassin huffed quietly.

"What if he's hiding in the coats or under something? I would." Clint smirked.

She nodded, quickly unscrewing the vent using a small multi tool, slipping out of the metal tunnel.

"Thank god these vents are large." Clint sighed, sliding out and stretching.

Natasha nodded, silently picking up boxes and looking in coats and the rack that held shoes.

"I don't see him." Clint groaned.

"That's because he isn't here." Natasha sighed.

"Too bad," The archer's hand snuck to the assassin's stomach, pulling her down to his place on the floor.

Natasha gave a contented sigh. "We have to look for the kid."

"The others are, we can look later," He breathed into her neck before planting small kisses on her jawline, eliciting a series of small noises.

"Clint, no." She shook her head a little.

He chuckled, turning her in his lap. "You going to stop me?"

"No." She said, giving in and gluing her lips to his.

"I hope he isn't scared." Jane said worriedly. "I'd hate for him to be upset."

Thor raised an eyebrow. "I don't think the child will be anything but gleeful when we find him."

Jane sighed. "You're right, where do you want to look next?"

"Well, when Loki-" Jane cringed. "-and I would play 'hide-and-seek', as your mortals call it, I would always hide under the beds." Thor smiled.

"Does Bruce even sleep? I swear he looks like the living dead half the time." Jane chuckled.

"So do you. Do scientists ever sleep?" Thor questioned good-naturedly.

Jane stuck out her tongue, trying to prevent a smile from forming.

"I see that smile!" Thor teased, with a grin of his own to match.

Jane turned a smooth handle into a messy looking room.

"I guess he missed spring cleaning." Jane raised a brow.

Thor and herself had gone through spring cleaning, but not before an explanation of the words first.

The god shook his head and walk dover to the plush bed, bending down he tensed, ready for an attack.

"Hello? Are you under there?" Thor's voice boomed, while he reached a hand under the bed, searching.

"I doubt he's under there Thor, he can't just turn intangible at will." Jane rolled her eyes.

The Asgardian withdrew his hand, straightening out his 'flannel' as jane called it.

Jane watched with wide eyes, taking Thor in. No matter what he did, it seemed attractive. Though that might be a benefit of being a god she guessed.

"Thor, we don't have to keep looking, yeah? We could take a rest." She sat down in one of the armchairs that occupied the room.

The god shrugged. "I suppose so, are you already weakened?"

"No, just lazy, it's raining and…" She trailed off while he sunk into the chair next to her.

He knew where she was going, though she was too timid to suggest a make-out session, and he, too chivalrous.

"Come here, you little minx," He chuckled, offering her his lap.

She smiled, glad she did not have to voice her wishes, and proceeded to weaken at the knees and slowly be absorbed in her senses firing off.

Darcy was the only one who had gone alone, which was fine by her. She scrolled through her tumblr dash, chuckling at a silly america joke and reblogging a picture of her favorite male actor with a very elaborate asdfghjkl; added onto it.

"You two were made for each other! Just get together, ugh!" She cried, frustrated over her otp. _Why is shipping so hard?_ she asked herself.

She came upon the bathroom door, by slamming straight into it, engrossed in a gif set of a new movie, she might actually have to see that one.

"Alright bathroom, I would tase you, but you're an inanimate object so I'll refrain from doing so." She put her phone back into her pocket and slipped into the bathroom.

There was an elegant tub in the corner of the room, it seemed to have jets built into it. There was a shower on one wall, and she knew for a fact it would light up technicolor.

"Sorry Bruce, but this is going on tumblr." She smirked, taking her phone out again and turning the water on, along with the lights. She snapped a picture, so perfect not even instagram was needed, and uploaded it quickly to her blog. "And let the flood of notes for useless shower pictures begin."

She craned her neck to try to see what was wrong with the shower head, it seemed, blocked for some reason. She turned off the water and unscrewed the head of it. A box dropped out and splashed into the small puddle of water.

"What? Oh, a remote, not a box." Darcy smiled, deciding to press the button. Which was probably a bad idea considering she was in the home of the one and only hulk, but she usually failed to think before doing.

A small keypad of red lights appeared upon the mirror. For once, dray thought for a bit and decided to enter Bruce's birthday. Of course it worked.

"For a scientist green rage monster, you are a very predictable man, Bruce Banner." Darcy's red coated lips turned up when she saw the panel of tiles slide back. "Bingo."

The revealed entrance led into a chrome room, with the boy in the middle of it, drawing who-knows-what on the desk.

"Hey kid." She said, making her presence known. "I'm Darcy, you don't know me because I live in New Mexico but I saw you as a baby."

"Not creepy at all." The boy shook his head.

She laughed. "Shush Tony. What are you doing anyway?"

"Making a blueprint, just for a small cherry pit launcher." He grinned.

A glint of mischief shot through her eyes. "A cherry pit cannon you say? Let me help."

"So do you have any idea where he went?" Steve questioned Bruce.

Bruce shook his head, looking under a table. "He disappeared like a ghost."

"Figure's Tony's boy would be like this." Steve sighed.

"He taught him well." Bruce said. "He'll brag about this later, just watch."

Steve sighed. "I guess we're in for it then. Oh gosh, what if Pepper finds out?"

"She will _not _find out that we lost her baby boy." Bruce said seriously, pulling aside a pair of curtains.

The soldier chuckled. "You really think he'll be that unoriginal? Let's head off to somewhere cool. Do you have any odd places in your house?"

"Just the lab. Oh shoot! The lab! Do you think he could have hacked it and found the entrance all in a matter of minutes?" Bruce panicked.

"Okay, just calm down. And this is _Tony Stark's _spawn we're talking about." Steve said slowly. The mean insults and threats had stopped. But friendly jabs at the other had not.

The two of them sprinted down the only flight of stairs with Bruce leading, past his bedroom, and down the hall into the bathroom.

"You picked a bathroom for your secret lab?" Rogers asked.

"Yes, flag boy, I did." He unscrewed his shower nozzle to reveal a remote, which he pressed. Stepping over to his mirror he input the code needed to open the doors, revealing an entrance in the shower tile. Stepping through, a chrome lab was revealed.

Sitting in a spiny chair in the middle of the room was Tony Jr. Jr. with Darcy bouncing him on her lap, rolling her eyes.

"Hey guys." Darcy said calmly.

"You had him the whole time?" Bruce asked weakly.

Darcy shook her head, curls flying. "No, just most of it."

"Of course, I enlist the help of four of the top trained beings on the planet and _Darcy_ finds him." Bruce groaned.

"Well, I _am _a Hufflepuff. We're particularly good finders." A smirk lifted her lips.

Tony Jr. Jr. laughed. "Are You sure you're not a secret Slytherin?"

"Oh shush Mr. Stark, what would you know about Slytherins?" Darcy giggled.

"As much as I hate to break up the nerd fest, the others are still looking and we should go." Steve suggested.

Tony Jr. Jr. hopped off her lap while Darcy grabbed the blueprints and shoved them into her pocket along with her phone.

The two couples met back in the living room, only minority disheveled and with slightly tender lips, within seconds, Darcy, Bruce, Steve, and Tony Jr. Jr. were there.

"You found him!" Jane exclaimed to Bruce and Steve.

Darcy interjected. "No! I found them!"

"Really?" Clint asked.

"Shush , you were all probably off making love in the closets." Darcy waved a hand, engrossed once more in her phone, bending down to show mini Tony a picture of the 'life ruiner'.

"You think he's attractive?" The little boy cried incredulously.

Darcy turned a faint pink. "Why does nobody think he's hot? I really can't see how you people don't find him attractive!"

"Darcy, just drop it, you're the only one who likes him!" Jane exclaimed, they had obviously been through this before.

"Nuh uh! He has a whole army on tumblr. _A whole army._" She whispered the last part.

"What is this tumblr you speak of? Is it like the book of face?" Thor questioned.

Darcy smiled, more of an evil grin actually. "Better."

"He does not need tumblr." Jane said darkly.

"We all need tumblr." Darcy said, overly-dramatic.

Bruce sighed. "How about we all just watch a movie?"

"Can I pick?" Tony Jr. Jr. asked.

"No, don't I pick? I found him." Darcy insisted.

Bruce sighed. "Natasha please do this."

The woman chuckled. "Obviously Tony gets to pick. You're a grown up Darcy."

"I have been betrayed!" Darcy cried.

"Yes!" The small boy said, doing a touch down dance.

"Losing the ability to can!" Darcy cried.

The boy ran to the stack of DVD's, picking out _Back to the Future_.

"Oh, well, I would have picked the same one, cool." Darcy uncurled from the fetal position on the floor.

"I need to be in my pajamas to watch a movie!" The boy cried, rushing to the bag Pepper dropped off with him.

"Me too!" Darcy yelled, following him down the hall, each of them running to a room.

"She brought clothes?" Jane questioned.

Thor shrugged. "Maybe she was serious when she said she was ready for anything."

The two children, as now Darcy was being counted as an adolescent, charged from the rooms, finger guns blazing.

"I win!" Tony yelled.

"Not fair! I had to check tumblr!" Darcy whined.

"You didn't _have_ to." Tony argued.

She deadpanned. "Tumblr is necessary for life, young grasshopper."

Even he shook his head at that.

"Fruit snacks!" Bruce cried, coming in from the kitchen, holding the box. Steve followed quickly behind with two liters of soda and a bowl of popcorn.

"You have the ones with us on them! I wanted those so bad for S.H.I.E.L.D. headquarters but Tasha wouldn't let me." Clint pouted.

Tasha groaned. "It would be like gloating to the other agents! We couldn't."

"They have us on them!" Clint exclaimed, waving a packet in front of her face.

"I'm aware." She deadpanned.

Tony looked up at the grown ups, who had seemed to suddenly become children. "Can we put the movie in?"

"Sure!" Bruce exclaimed, happy he had found the boy.

Everyone went silent as soon as it started, it seemed as if _Back to the Future_ could hold anyone's attention no matter, god, assassin, super soldier, hulking green rage monster, or average being.

Tony found them all passed out in various positions on the floor and the couch and surrounding furniture, the end credits to _Back to the Future _still rolling. He smiled at his little boy, his perfect boy, curled up next to Bruce. Pepper grinned at the sight and snapped a quick photo before the two picked up their son and left a note with a thank you.

**A/N I dearly hope you enjoyed that little piece! It was really fun, I might write more babysitting adventures in the future! Please review and leave a prompt or story you'd like to see if you'd like! It could easily become a story. Thank you again, overactive-imagination94!**


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